Vending Service Reply Form

After many unhappy replies from our current vending service we decided that what they really needed was a different form letter that was more closely tied to their true feeling: ABC Vending Service Thank you for your (inquiry / comments / complaints) about our vending service. ___ We are aware that _____________ machine has not been stocked in _____ days. __ We are waiting for the weekend. __ We are out of items that have expired. __ We're busy, don't bother us about this. __ We don't care. ___ We are aware that the price for _______ seems high at $_______ but, __ we have to make a living. __ we use an algorithm 3*retail+your_age. __ we charge others more. __ we adjust it to allow for spoilage. ___ We are aware that __ the sodas are warm __ the milk is curdled __ sandwiches are stale __ gum is hard __ candy bars are petrified and assure you that that is the way it is supposed to be, really. ___ We understand that __ the bill changer can't, __ coin return won't, __ product selection doesn't, and believe that __ you should relax, it all evens out. __ learn to live with it. __ bring in your own change next time. __ be happy it gave you anything. __ quit eating so much junk food. Thank you and Happy Eating.