Jokes
The best one-liners and long jokes — animal, marriage, doctor, school and more.
Blonde’s Police Application
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The captain says they can't just turn her away, and orders the desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview. To just 'play along' and humor her.
BlondeFun With Cops
So you're bored? How about some games you can play with your local law enforcement? Bonus points if you can do any of these without getting hit over the head with a nightstick. Double bonus if you can do all of these without getting the death penalty.
BlondeTwo Prostitutes, One Sign
A couple young, entrepreneurial prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the top of their car that read: "Two Prostitutes - $50.00." A police officer, seeing the sign, pulled the ladies over and advised that they will have to remove the sign or go to jail.
PoliceCops Say The Darndest Things
So you think you're the only one who can be funny when getting pulled over by a cop? Well, in this edition, the police officer strikes back! All those cop jokes we've been posting have finally caught up to us, a police (or as he preferred to be called... peace) officer out of Nevada sent us this little list of things cops like say too...
PoliceBrokeback Mountain – Deputy Edition
A few overworked deputy sheriffs deserved a vaction, together they decided to go on a mountain retreat. Since police officers are so underpaid, they decided to sleap two per room so they could afford the trip.
PoliceSo This Cop Was Writing A Parking Ticket
I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'
BlondeRedhead, Brunette and Blonde At A Firing Squad
Three women are about to be executed for crimes they committed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
BlondeI Love Older Women
To set this up, I've been married for nearly 25 years. The other day I took a look at my wife said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV... but I got to sleep with a hot 25 year old blonde every night."
BlondeStuck In A Snowstorm
While driving during a horrible snowstorm, a young blonde became disoriented and lost. She remembered what her father had once told her. ''If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait for a snow plow and follow it.'' Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about 45 minutes.
BlondeAlligator Shoes
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
BlondeFootball Finally Makes Sense
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right at the fifty yard line. It was exciting too, a real nail biter. After the game, he asked her if she had a good time.
BlondeBlonde, Redhead And Brunette In A Potato Farm
Three girls were on the run from the cops - a red head, a brunette, and a blonde. During the subsequent high speed chase the red head spotted a potato farm and suggested that the girls should hide out there.
BlondeDear Alcohol
First let me say that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around at the holidays (hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings).
BlondeA Blonde At Western Union
A blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, "I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe."
BlondeRenting An Adult Movie
A blond decides to do something she's never done before - rent a dirty movie. She drives to the local Video Warehouse and makes here way to the adult section in the back. After looking around at titles, she selects a something that sounds very stimulating.
BlondeIntelligence Island
Three blonde women were stranded on an island. While trying to dig their way out, one of them came accross a buried lamp. Suddenly a genie appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish, in return for saving him.
BlondeBlonde The Builder
Two blonde chicks were building a house together. One blonde was cutting the wood and the other was on a ladder nailing. Before hammering in a nail; the blonde on the ladder would reach into her nail pouch, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to hammer it into the wood.
BlondeCigarette Condoms
A blonde, a brunette and a red head were smoking cigarettes one afternoon. The blonde had Camels, red head had Marlboros, and the brunette had Kools.
BlondeThe Blonde Painter
An ambitious young blonde woman, in need of money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type. She began, door to door, canvassing a wealthy neighborhood for work. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
BlondeMilk Bath For Beauty
An older blonde woman heard through a friend that taking a milk bath is good for the skin, will cure stretch marks and make her beautiful again. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk instead of the usual amount.