Jokes

WOMAN DENTIST

I would like to see a woman dentist, says the man to the dental receptionist."Why?" asks the receptionist."I'd like to hear a woman say…

Relationships Before and After

Relationships Before and After

CHRIS CASE: LEGALIZE IT

We've been trying to solve this drunk driving problem for years, and there's an obvious solution: legalize marijuana. I just think it's safer than alcohol. I'd…

CHARLIE VIRACOLA: PARKING TICKET

I got a $290 parking ticket today. Do you folks hear me? A $290 ticket, man. My car only cost $240.

BRIAN KILEY: SHOT AN ELK

I went hunting for the first time. I shot an elk. I felt really bad at first, but the guy was wearing a plaid leisure suit.

BRIAN KILEY: FIRST CONFESSION

It's been a big year for my eight-year-old. Two months ago, he made his first confession. Took the cops four hours to break him. He's got…

ARDAL O'HANLON: EXPECTATIONS

If you expect a kick in the balls and you get a slap in the face, then it's a victory.

ANDY BLITZ: BOXING EXPLANATION

I think violence is wonderful, but what I object to in boxing is the total lack of explanation as to what happened between these guys to…

AMY BARNES: TUBA THEORY

I chose the tuba based on this theory: if you're not cool enough to be a cheerleader, make sure you're carrying something big enough to knock…

ALONZO BODDEN: BLACK PEOPLE DON'T HIJACK PLANES

Black people don't hijack planes, alright? Now I'll be the first to admit, we steal a lot of stuff, but we do not hijack planes. In…

A LESSON IN GOVERNMENT

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents…

BECKY PEDIGO: GOOD AMERICAN CITIZEN

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Big Ten school and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of…

BAD GIRLS VS GOOD GIRLS

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.Good girls only own one credit card…

BABE WATCH

This guy is standing outside on his balcony on the 5th floor of his apartment when he spots this gorgeous babe sunbathing on the 3rd floor…

ANTHONY SZPAK: ATHLETES THANKING GOD

It's fun to watch sports. I'm just tired of athletes bringing up God at the end of the game. It doesn't fit, does it? There's nothing…