Jokes
Two Vampire Bats
One evening two vampire bats were hanging out in their cave. One said, "Man, I'm starving! I need to get some blood!" And he flew out…
Lowa 3-Kick Rule
A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Iowa He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other…
Little Tim's Goldfish
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to,…
Foreign Language
A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them.The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the…
The Magician and the Parrot
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the…
Bathing the Cat
Following are instructions on the best way to bathe your cat:1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet…
The World's Smartest Dog
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."Amazed, he…
Three-legged chicken
Juan was driving down a country lane in his pickup when suddenly a chicken darted into the road in front of him. He slammed on his…
The Preacher's Donkey
A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the…
The Atheist and the Shark
There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.…
Cow Disease
One day two cows were chatting over the fence between their two fields. The first cow said, "I'm telling you, this mad cow disease is getting…
Mice In The Church
Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner.The first Pastor said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with mice in my…
Talking Dog for Sale
Talking Dog for SaleThis guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells…
An amazing talking dog
A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."Bartender: "Yeah!…
Animal Crackers
When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for. Then, he spread the…