Jokes
Arriving home very drunk
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man…
Who can say this sentence?
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says,…
Some yogurt visits a local bar
Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in…
This tells me that I must be drunk
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks…
I bet I can bite both of my eyes
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip.…
My girlfriend is out in the car
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because…
I know you were drunk yesterday
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time…
Bad luck finding a place to hide
A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even…
I think I'll try a nicer approach
Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each…
Someone stole things from me
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, and…
Who keeps saying those things?
A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively…
Driving home very drunk
It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the…
Who gave you those black eyes?
A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful."Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender.…
If she went out with me
A man had been out in the back woods for weeks, cutting logs. He was a bit scruffy and didn't smell very good. Finally he needed…
I am afraid of that tarmac
A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks…